Talk, talk, talk --

Let's just suppose that this guy doesn't look as creepy in person as he does in his profile picture. Here's what he has to say:

"Over the last 3 years I have had very good success with lunch or dinner dates on the first date. We will get to know each other on the first date as I tend to talk a lot."

You notice he doesn't mention second dates? I wonder why.

That's Not Write

I got this email today through a dating site from a guy who professed to be an author. Never heard from this guy before, and this is all there was. No "Hi," no "Dear ___," no "I decided I'd throw up treacly prose on you at random."

"Although women mature more rapidly than men, and the maturation process never ends, just as the quest for knowledge never ends, some men do eventually reach the point where they understand that women cannot, should not, must not be controlled. Freedom for women is not something that men can fence, however loosely, nor is it is something that men can grant. A woman's freedom to be who and what she is, is something that men must someday learn to appreciate as one of Nature's immutable laws. It is only when a man reaches that age of understanding that he is ready to form a joint partnership, a love that ignites just as the autumn of a lifetime is approaching and glows with warmth until we reach our fond farewell to this fragile, mistreated planet."

So I clicked on his profile, which begins "Happy to be living alone. God provides all I need."  I shared the info with several of my girlfriends, one of whom sagely replied, "If he's happy to be living alone and God's given him all he needs, why the hell is he on a dating site?" Holla.

Gimme a Head with Hair

Hey, pal, the '90s called -- they want their hair back. Seriously, what's up with this dude and the hair? Some major lame captions as well:

Photo 1 Caption: "Poor purple shirt -- a fave that got stained and had to go bye-bye . . "
Sweetheart, I don't care.

Photo 2 Caption: "weird shaving cut on my cheek -- not some unknown growth"
Weird shaving cut? What about weird crazy look? And is that the replacement for the long-lamented purple shirt?

Photo 3 Caption 3: "big hair circa 1997 -- the last hurrah of long, full hair before middle age . . "
As a female, I obviously did not have access to the Boy Handbook that said a last hurrah was required.

Clearly, dude's got a hair thing. Maybe he's one of the Cowsills.